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After a busy day I walk into his office leave my shoes in the corridor and throw my coat over the first chair I come to and then wander over to his desk to sit in the comfy office chair and lean back, then I’m keen to find out what’s been happening today? As soon as he sees me he smiles its good to see each other after a long day at work. I notice lots of paperwork over his desk, you really should tidy these up I say, putting them alphabetically in a new in-tray perhaps? I don’t get any response which is strange I would expect this idea to be helpful? Realising it’s nearly 6pm I’m keen to eat something, I’m starving, I have no idea what we are doing for dinner? With any luck he has been to the new trendy bakery on the south bank in his break to get one of my favourite cupcakes.

I can see out of the corner of my eye the flat screen TV on the wall of the office which has the news on it. As I walk closer I can see on the way inside the small office kitchen, all the dirty washing up is all piled up on the side. What have they been doing all day? I proceed to the cupboard to find a wine glass and then pour from the cheeky bottle of pink bubbles in my bag… It’s been a long day.

I walk back across the office And I can see he has laid out some dinner on the meeting room table for us to enjoy, he is standing there with a grin of anticipation he knows he has done well. As I walk into the room he pulls out a chair for me to sit down. You look like you’ve had a busy day sit down and relax he says…

So how was your day he asks attentively? I mainly worked on the junior training programme and started implementing my new reward scheme with my boss, i need to raise key questions about the future communications within my team I tell him. We touched base with all the latest playground developments and the research trip to the science museum is now confirmed in the diary. I ask what have you been up to today?

Before I hear his reply there is a noise in the background? ‘Morning its 7.30 on Tuesday‘ the DJ cheerfully announces thanks to my bedroom radio. That heavy feeling on my chest is not work related stress, in fact it’s my cat sitting on my duvet purring away flicking her tail across my face whilst I sleep in a not subtle effort to wake me up and get fed.

Nearly 10 years ago now the relationship with my career in design was overtaken by a new relationship: motherhood. No longer am I that girl running to catch the 8.32 to Fenchurch street that gave me an extra ten minutes in bed and got me to work with minutes to spare. Now we are shortly going to be running with school bags and a scooter to the school gates before the door shuts at 8.55am, somethings don’t change, mornings have never really been my strong point. So every weekday morning the chaos begins, remember the homework, the swimming bag, where are my school shoes? Where’s the form for parent’s evening? I have to bring in a microphone and rap outfit for today mummy? I just need to check is my snow still in the freezer??

If being a mother were a job there’d be a selection process, pay, holidays, a superior to report to, performance assessments, Friday drinks, and you could resign from your job and get another one because you didn’t like the people you were working with. It’s not a vocation either – being a mother is a relationship” Catherine Deveny, The Guardian

Those skills from work are not just needed for business but for life. Particularly parenthood, with new targets, moving boundaries, increasing challenges and short deadlines. Multi-task, listen, negotiate, compromise, patience, leadership and management are just to name a few. I need to think outside the box, play in the box, cut up the box and jump over the box.

“In parenting roles you get a chance to do a lot of the same things you do as a manager,” Ruderman says. “You get to hone your interpersonal skills. You learn how to develop other people. It’s another opportunity to learn from experience.” Marian N. Ruderman, research director at the Center for Creative Leadership www.forbes.com

Its ironic that now I am not working in London anymore and looking after my daughter that I now have the patience of a saint and fantastic negotiation skills, I have to listen daily to the requests for a mobile phone! now it is time to pass on those patience and compromise skills to my daughter because she isn’t getting one yet…

Angela xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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18 years ago on this very morning I lost the love of my life… My Mum. A life gone, cruelly cut short too soon leaving a big hole in my heart. It’s now 18 years on and my life has changed beyond recognition from that day. My degree, my career, 3 homes, 1 marriage,  1 daughter, 2 cancers, 1 cat, 1 divorce, and much more in between.

She has missed a lot in her life and mine making me realise never take somebody you love for granted, it is not guaranteed they will always be by your side. My memories are happy rather than painful now, a childhood that I felt loved, happy, confident and safe.  The Birthday’s and Christmas times she created, her 40th birthday party and the ants eating her cake on the dining room table the next day.  I remember the note she left in my pack lunch on my first school trip, our first family caravan holiday when myself and my sister spent the two weeks with chicken pox and she swore she would never set foot in a caravan again.

There are certain times in my life that I miss her to talk to, yes all the obvious ones of course but its navigating life and the everyday stuff that you know she would of understood what to do as only mums can. I watch my daughter at 10 as she hits her teenage phase and one minute she loves me, then I’m so embarrassing, why don’t I do exactly what she wants? so then she hates me, how could I possibly understand her? This does make me giggle it’s scary how much she is like me at that age and how much I have turned into my mother, I have learned many lessons from my daughter and carry on to try and understand how children work as other Mums before me.

When you take the time to actually listen, with humility, to what people have to say, it’s amazing what you can learn. Especially if the people who are doing the talking also happen to be children.”
― Greg Mortenson, Writer

The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds Channel 4 (wk07)..... L-R Oliver and Luke

Photo: Katie Hyams                                                  The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds                            Channel 4

I will do my best, I won’t always get it right but I will try. That unconditional love between a parent and child is always there even if you can’t always be together but is worth it for those times that you are.

In Loving memory of my Mum (1949-1998)

Thank you

Love Angela xx

 

 

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Christmas is done for another year and everyone has gone home, elf has returned and my daughter is now taking full advantage of late to bed and late up.  Six recycling sacks sit in the hallway, I have done the washing up and I’ve moved stuff around the house. Despite my oven blowing up 2 days before Christmas and realising I had 1 teabag left on the morning we pulled it off! The tree, the elf, crackers, turkey, presents, Christmas pudding and party games all get a big tick! My daughter gave me the most loving and thoughtful card I’ve ever had and I’m super pleased with my gorgeous girlfriend one with lots of kisses. The full vision of Christmas was enjoyed as planned.

A friend’s daughter asked for donations of hats and gloves before Christmas so she could hand them out to the homeless in London, inspired by this thoughtful gesture we went yesterday to drop off the food we have also been collecting every week in our food shop to the food bank along with some Christmas goodies we didn’t use for someone else to enjoy. Its just as nice to give as to receive this time of year and is always so gratefully received. Christmas heightens all your feelings, some of those deep personal feelings from present and past have a way of creeping to the surface when we hit post party after Boxing Day. This is because we care and it’s what makes us human, no ones life is perfect but we love it anyway.

I have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. Salvador Dali, Artist and Writer.

Our cupboards are also far from perfect so the January clear out has started early I have filled 5 black sacks just from my daughters room, the advantage of turning ten is she is now too cool for princess outfits and her toys cars,  Topsy and Tim and the Rainbow Fairies have made the cut too. I feel a bit sad remembering her playing with these but 10 is the new 13 we are now making room for the lava lamp, fur coat, knee high heeled boots and make up, she has now after all these years started to discover brand culture, although thankfully lego is still a brand she loves.

After all the indulges of Christmas I have had a few false starts on the detox and health campaign and tonight is New Year’s Eve! I need to stop living on tree chocolates, left over turkey and biscuit selections! This one will have to wait a day though and be a proper New Year’s resolution along with the rest of the country. Mary Portas showed us last night what we have bought this year and yes I have my ‘Deliciously Ella’ cookbook of healthy recipes and now need to update my wardrobe with trendy athleisurewear, my daughter also wants a spiralizer for our vegetables. This has made me think, here are just a few of my discoveries from this year:

  • Give up trying to get my daughter in to bed by 8.30pm.
  • Loom bands are out.
  • Forget normal TV Amazon prime and Netflix is the way to go.. I highly recommend outlander, hunger games and suits.
  • Say yes more.
  • It’s ok to be nice.
  • Everybody should have someone that makes them feel special.
  • Sit down and relax you will feel better for it.
  • Going out to dinner is not good for the waistline.
  • You can run most of your life from bed on your iPhone and it takes better images than your camera.
  • Less butter less sugar… Apple juice is very bad.
  • Life is about balance, good and bad come in equal measure if one is more than the other something will correct this.
  • A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other…

I lay here at 10am in bed writing with my cat purring on top of me, tomorrow is the start of a New Year and we are in a totally different place now. It’s been a tough one to navigate and I have seen new heights and lows in love, motherhood and friendships this year. There have been a few spanners in the works I didn’t expect but they have confirmed how lucky I am to be loved by those around me which I will always be grateful for this. I get it now love conquers all

Thank you and enjoy your adventures next year… I wish everyone a loving and fabulous 2016 and here is a quote from a guilty pleasure, one of several Christmas films I’ve watched:

You have a brain in your head, and feet in your shoes, so go ahead and seek, whatever direction you chose! Chalet Girl 2011

So from your Writer, Designer, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Gorgeous girlfriend, Best friend, Teenage PA, Cook, Shopper, Cleaner, Decorator, talks too much, should exercise more, must do the washing up and so on again next year… Love always xx

 

 

 

 


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It was almost a year ago that I embarked on a huge rebalancing of my life and finally gave up the fight and accepted part of the reason I was unhappy was being in a marriage without love that wasn’t working and it was time we called it quits. i took myself by surprise at the decisiveness that I took this step and how right it felt to start out again just me and my daughter. As the months went on I decided I wanted to go out and find someone to enjoy what I’d been missing for so long.

So it began, time to make adult conversation and release my inner wit and practise flirting again… Someone to go out to dinner with or see a film, try new things, finally a social life of my own. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the mum social scene that comes with children but it has its limitations! Fundamentally dating hasn’t really changed from too many years ago when I last took part but now with a few added bits.. An online profile or life cv, mobile numbers, what’s app, smiley faces etc?? After messages with a few people and having a good giggle I realised there is no substitute for meeting in person and finding if the all important attraction is there? So off I went on an actual date!… Or now a coffee date first to see if you want to go on a real date, its surprising though how many people don’t actually drink coffee when you meet.

“Each dating experience provides you with in-the-moment information about your preferences, weaknesses and strengths. If you continue to think and do the same things that you have always thought and experienced, you will remain stuck. Your brain has an extraordinary ability to adapt and grow—if you allow it. For the brain to grow you have to give it new stimulation and new experiences that challenge you on some level. Perhaps there are things that you like or have wanted to try but have been afraid to do so. As long as they reflect your genuine interest, work through the anxiety and put yourself in novel situations where you may meet different kinds of people and experience other aspects of your personality.”

Jill P. Weber, Ph.D.  a clinical psychologist

When I went on one particular date in May this year I wasn’t expecting anything other than more practise. Oh how wrong I was something in his look, I knew within the first hour this time was very different, I wanted to stay here I liked it, a lot and I confess fancied the pants off my new date! I wanted to know more and I wasn’t leaving without a cheeky kiss, and I got it! Albeit a very polite and gentlemanly one, we were keen to hold hands together and smiling a lot, this showed real promise and excitement.

We weren’t wrong, six months on and a lovely surprise bunch of pink roses this week we’re well on our way, it seems we both felt the same on that day. We know so much more about each other now and our feelings have grown into love and care for each other. He has brought me back into a life I want to enjoy every minute of. Trying to remember good places to go, choosing a film for the cinema, thinking of holidays you would like to go on. Discovering each others differences, what flavour crisps you like, what TV you like to watch, what alcohol you drink. With time has come the ability to enjoy being relaxed in each others company, cooking dinner, falling asleep on the sofa, not wearing make up or your best clothes.  Combining two lives, both our families and our ex families too, its no easy task and takes time to create something new and different.

Something’s don’t change though… “It’s your turn, no I did it last night, but I cooked dinner, but I’ve been working all day!” Yes the washing up a test of any relationship! Its funny now how those little niggles start to show, even down to what dishcloth you use, when your older you have your set ways, you bring these to your relationship in equal measure. I find this amusing, which ones you think ok I’ll try your way and others you take no notice of, grin and carry on as always. Christmas is our next milestone, the tree, the dinner, combining even more families into 2 days and getting the presents right, the hardest bit of all.

Miles from where we started the last six months has been exciting, dramatic and also a valuable lesson in how a relationship should be. We are not perfect, I am still working on not receiving comments negatively as I would of done in the past, when I had good reason to and trusting now that I don’t, in the beginning the ghosts of both our pasts still affected our reactions to a situation. Luckily this time round differences resolve themselves easily and quickly and just add to the process of getting to know each other. The main thing I have learn’t this year is to do what makes you happy and be with who makes you happy, don’t settle or do something just because you feel you are expected to, trust your instincts.

A counsellor told me a year ago all good relationships are built on compassion and compromise, you need someone who makes you feel special, which is where I am today! I am looking forward to what the next six months will bring.

Lots of love

Angela

xx

 

 

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Cancer you have tried to hold me back but my Christmas spirit won’t let you. You have taught me what is important, who do I love, who loves me? I still have my ability to love life and those in it. This time of year my Christmas spirit is alive and well…

“Christmas is the day that holds all time together.”  Alexander Smith

Christmas is nearly here and like every year it takes over my life, I will put my heart and soul into it forgetting everything else that’s going on. I have booked the pantomime tickets, the first batch of tree chocolates are on the tree, the Strictly final is a few weeks away and I have ordered my turkey! Discussions have started about what drink and treats will be left Christmas eve for father christmas and his reindeer, definitely mince pies and carrots but the drink is yet to be confirmed, milk or alcohol? The cat will eventually get bored of climbing the Christmas tree, which i will restock with the hidden packet of tree chocolates on Christmas eve! How many turkey dinners out can I chance this year so as not to be fed up with turkey on the day??

Trying to arrange to see friends in December its surprising how little time there is to go out and I already have dates now booked in for January which now seems to be the new December. My daughter has written a very detailed list on the computer for father christmas with every year the presents getting smaller and the cost larger… no more plastic toys in big boxes she has now discovered brand names.

This is a time of year I have never grown out of, Christmas is quality time to spend with your family and loved ones relaxing, watching ‘Elf’ for the 17th time, forgetting to watch the queens speech, eating food at odd times of the day and reconnecting with the sofa. I do love the build up and anticipation, the opportunity to release my inner elf… Although this one will not be sitting on the shelf. Unlike my other elf who has become a huge fan of pinterest and Facebook for inspiring all her naughty antics.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear”           Elf (film) 2003

The Christmas John Lewis ad always serves as a good reminder Christmas is about giving your time, energy, thoughts, love and compassion. A happy picture of kids in Christmas jumpers, Grandad’s asleep in the chair with their cracker hats on, family games and searching the quality streets for the toffee pennies! There is so much emphasis on happy families this time of year that it is easy to forget that it will be hard for some, families come in all shapes and sizes, there are those who will no longer be with us and our thoughts will be with them, those who are here for the first time to spoil and enjoy, those we may disagree with but our love still goes out to them and there are those less fortunate than us who may need our compassion and help.

Every year we go to the children’s nativity service on Christmas eve which reminds us it is a time that is as much about giving as it is receiving and its the time we spend together that we will remember. This year things have changed in our house, the photos will be different, my daughter knows daddy won’t be at her home on Christmas morning she will see him separately this year, I suspect double the amount of presents will go down well but still its a change that is hard to deal with for a 10 year old. Christmas is a time for creating memories, and we can still enjoy our traditions at home together even though the people change, we will still put up our tree, hang our tree chocolates, put out our stocking, leave out our mince pies and carrot and enjoy our day, we may even take a Christmas selfie…

After the turkey sandwiches, turkey curry, turkey and chips we will then clean, de-clutter, exercise more, eat better, forget about our new year’s resolutions and every day life will resume as before, if only we could treat everyday like Christmas.

17 days and counting…

Have a Merry Christmas

Lots of Love

Angela xx


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When I write a blog it is always started by something someone has said, an article I’ve read, something I’ve seen on Facebook, events around me or a mixture of them all.

Quite often I listen to a song I haven’t heard for a while which makes me think. Recently I heard ‘Something inside so Strong’ by Labi Siffre (seen above), he was on the One Show recently talking about his personal struggle being black and gay, he channelled this struggle into lyrics and created this powerful and successful song. Words I’m sure that resonate with a lot of people for many different reasons….

Deny my place in time, you squander wealth that’s mine
My light will shine so brightly, it will blind you ’cause there’s

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
But you’re doing me wrong so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh, no, something inside so strong
theres something inside so strong

Labi Siffre – Something Inside So Strong Lyrics | MetroLyrics

There are times for all of us when our lives becomes a struggle, happiness is harder to reach, a daily struggle and it feels difficult to escape from our dramas. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with your own problems and forget other people are dealing with their problems too. Listening to the song above about inner strength made me think, even in difficult times our inner strength can support us even if some of us don’t realise it yet.

I take inspiration from those who have realised they have the passion and ability to turn around a negative into a positive. Kris Hallenga is one of those people, in 2009 at the age of 23 she was diagnosed with stage 4 (there is no stage 5) Breast Cancer and now runs an amazing charity aimed at creating awareness of Breast Cancer in young people: coppafeel.org

“Kris turned her shock and anger into pure kick–ass, immediately making it her full–time mission to encourage her friends, her generation, and YOUNG PEOPLE everywhere to keep hold of their wonderful, carefree lives by getting to know their boobs – and appreciating the fact that, shitty a reality as it may be, breast cancer can affect YOUNG PEOPLE, at any age. A message overlooked by breast cancer organisations.”

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Cancer seems to have this effect,  it ignites a fight and determination in you didn’t even know you had, out of many disasters great things have been started. The confidence and inner strength of others helps Breast Cancer to get the excellent exposure we see today. Another good example of this empowerment is the #show your scar campaign on Twitter for breast cancer. To mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October, the women seen below appeared topless and proudly showed their scars to the world, shown here in an article by Elizabeth Earle this week in ‘The Sun‘.

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Many reasons cause us to lose our confidence; not just Cancer, however there will be a point for us all our inner strength will kick in and support us and lead us to a better place. For those who are not there yet we can take inspiration from Kris and the women shown above, it may not be possible to fix your problems but we can do something positive with it, be it something big creating awareness or starting with small steps that allow us to smile again. It may take you a while but your time will come and you will shine again!

My love always

Angela

xxx

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Photo: My mum and dad very very many years ago..

I have just spent a lovely weekend celebrating a school friends 40th Birthday party, catching up with my old school friends complete with our neon accessories and leg warmers for her 80’s themed night. She is the first in my school year to celebrate and there are many more to follow, mine will be in April next year…  judging by this weekends party I need to start planning as I have much to live up to. As yet I don’t feel a mid-life crisis coming, no need it seems life crisis’ find me whether I like it or not, so no need to buy the red sports car just yet, or embark on a new exciting relationship? Oops correction have already started this one!

Last week October 4th was the anniversary of our school friend who sadly lost his battle to cancer 2 years ago, so a bottle of prossecco was opened at saturday’s party in his memory and we all danced to 2 of his favourite songs on the dance floor, an emotional anniversary for us to remember and time to reflect on our own lives.

October also starts with my wedding anniversary which this year was strange as obviously it is not a date I wish to celebrate but nether less it is still a date that is remembered so does it still count as being called an anniversary? Some people and times we wish to remember and others we prefer to forget, when it comes to my marriage recent unhappy years I choose to forget but I look back at my wedding day fondly and remember that sense of optimism and excitement that I had starting out on married life. We both had every intention of growing old together and having one of those 60th wedding anniversary parties that older couples have, unfortunately we became a lot of  ‘worse’ and eventually no ‘better’ so it became time for us both to move on.

“Some lives leave a mark, others leave a stain…” Charles Saatchi

It seems we all have events in our lives that every year we choose to remember in our own way, an anniversary is very much about remembering if not necessarily celebrating, there are many dates in the year that we remember some are happy ones and some not so much. Tomorrow is October the 13th this was the day that 9 years ago I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer, good as its 9 years but current complications make me feel uneasy about celebrating that fact, I reserve my judgement for the moment.

One particular anniversary is like a dark cloud forming around mid October time that often comes up behind me before I realise the time is when my mum was diagnosed as terminally ill with cancer and had only a few months to live. I’m not the only one to have dates in my life that test our ability to deal with the emotions they bring, however it seems I am also not alone in this year forgetting this anniversary and it almost passing me by without my recognition. This is the first time in 17 years this has happened and I feel guilty just like the husband who forgot his wedding anniversary, I have been distracted with the better things happening in my life but I am sure my mum would forgive me just the once. It seems as time passes the bad things are remembered less and overtaken by the good and happy memories, less the date she died and more the date she was born.

The Fallen Limb, by Poet Unknown:

A limb has fallen from the family tree.
I keep hearing a voice that says, “Grieve not for me.
Remember the best times, the laughter, the song.
The good life I lived while I was strong.
Continue my heritage, I’m counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through...

So fondly remember those important dates as people come and go in our lives, celebrating the good memories and raising a toast to the sad ones. Spend time creating new fun memories with those around us, our years will be full of anniversaries, as time goes on even more will be added. Decisions need to made.. a party?, a holiday?, afternoon tea? spa break? expensive dinner?. I really should start saving for my 40th birthday…

Love Always

Angela xx

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All my life I’ve lived by the theory rely on no-one, be independent, be the strong one and look after yourself, as you get older and time goes on you do let some people in but never completely, keeping that level of trust at arms length to protect yourself from getting hurt. It is how I was brought up and has served me well in life keeping me out of harm’s way. But has it??

“The problem with being the strong one is no-one lends you a hand” M.T

Recently, someone came along and held my hand, showing me love and affection, it has allowed me to open up and share emotions that normally I would keep deep inside me and well hidden. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say, suddenly once you talk about something it seems it loses its sense of importance and its affect on you. Even to the point where you start to feel a bit stupid that you let things bother you in the first place.

Also I find myself letting go of some of that independence and dare I say it stubborness! Working together and accepting help when it is offered really does make life easier, and saying thank you instead of justifying why you should do it instead. This does not extend to the washing up though it seems nobody likes this job even if the dishwasher is involved, I know that I certainly don’t. ‘Reluctant to engage in housework’ has even been written in the divorce petition I recently received from my soon to be ex-husband. I have to say that I’m actually quite proud of that one….

The strength to stop listening to what I should be doing, and think about what I want to be doing. Indulging in good times with friends, family and loved ones, free to enjoy without guilt. The indulging part needs to have less calories now, it seems that ‘Eton mess cheesecake’ with raspberries is not very good for the waistline the fruit doesn’t count? So maybe not a life completely without guilt then.. but that indulgence was worth every mouthful!

Just something as simple as the act of holding hands to show your affection, ‘The way your fingers intertwine with another person’s is both innocent and special.”  apparentlySea otters do it. Penguins do it. Even elephants do it, albeit they have to use their trunks.” Did you know otters hold hands while they sleep so they don’t float apart…

I could conquer the world with one hand as long as your holding the other.     — Megan Smith

I am starting to realise how much I have been holding myself back, time to lose the negatives and free up the space to let in the positives. I’ve had the bad to appreciate the good and seen the sad to be able to enjoy the happy. My journey is not a simple one but worth every minute just to feel loved and protected from all the trouble that is in my world.

Stand by my side, hold my hand tight while I hold yours, to love is as important as being loved, it keeps my heart strong and my smile bright…

Thank you

Angela xxx

 

 



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Traffic Light Tree is a public sculpture in London, England, created by the French sculptor Pierre Vivant. The Sculpture imitates the natural landscape of the adjacent London Plane Trees, while the changing pattern of the lights reveals and reflects the never ending rhythm of the surrounding domestic, financial and commercial activities.

This year has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least, for both myself and my daughter, its been a steep learning curving finding out how we feel, seeing how we should feel and deciding how we want to feel. We’ve cried, laughed and loved more than we have ever done, this has brought us closer but also created more tense times. Surrounding influences have made our relationship more complicated now but also stronger, we both get things wrong and learn as we go along.

There is a lot going on in our life these days, what affect will this have, I don’t know yet? Our life is not what we expected, but I have no doubt that these changing patterns are the right ones and we are going in a more positive direction. She is definitely developing a strength of character beyond her years but is still only ten and has many emotions she does not understand, not to mention the tidal wave of hormones that have conveniently decided to turn up around the same time. She now has a much sharper sense of wit, improved sarcasm, stronger attitude and greater awareness of life around her, she now expresses her love and emotions much more clearly if not always in my favour!! My girl is growing up and like probably all mums out there I was totally unprepared, these things seem to turn up when you take your eye off the ball for a moment.

The funny thing is as my daughter struggles with her emotions I’ve realised how little I have dealt with my own over the past few years, its too easy to get on with everyday life, and put your thoughts to the back of your mind. Some strong emotions have been in our house in the past, not all great ones. Throughout this process my character has also regained its confidence and clarity, I am very proud to say with the added title of embarrassing mother! Not to mention annoying one too, followed by much amusement on my part, especially when she gives me ‘the look’ I am happy knowing I am doing my job properly…

This all being said… to my daughter you still have to make your bed in the morning, go to bed on time, pick up your dirty clothes off the floor etc, you won’t like it but one day you will thank me! (forgive the turning into my mother quote).

In the last year old relationships have finished, new ones have started and existing one have strengthened, not a straightforward process to navigate, it feels like my life has had a good spring clean this year but this has been followed by a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I love those close to me with all my heart and am happy to show it as I know I am loved in return and confident that those few tense times are because we all care and they are a learning process about each other. You have shown me this develops a stronger relationship and deeper understanding of each other, just love me like you do…

Like the lights in the above installation our life’s are a constant changing pattern reflecting the never ending rhythm of our surrounding influences. I’m ready….

 

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This week the battle lines will be drawn, I will find out all about my enemy and plan my attack  the appointments are booked and the treatments will begin. I will do my duty and dedicate myself wholly to the cause and get back later with the missions progress….

The word ‘cancer’ has frightened a lot of people it has a bad reputation and a negative attitude. It does have a positive side though it reminds us how much we love the people around us and how important it is to be loved and happy, all the small stuff doesn’t matter, the daily stresses lose their priority and the power of a smile can turn around any situation. Watching a film on the sofa whilst the washing up sits in the sink doesn’t make me feel the slightest bit guilty. I also took the new shoes out for a gorgeous lunch on Saturday and only nearly fell over 3 times. (Not due to alcohol may I add but a lack of exposure to heels!!!)

The moments of happiness We enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them but they seize us” Ashley Montagu

It is well known that when one part of your life falls apart another will dramatically improve and this is true the rest of my life continues to skip merrily along its new path. After a weeks holiday in a caravan bonding with my daughter we have developed a new mutual respect for each other realising how much we have both grown this year and need one another. We both have feelings and emotions and it’s important we care and look out for each other, I’m probably still an annoying mum but suddenly I’m not so bad after all! Just don’t mention bedtime or the mess in her bedroom…

My ex husband has taken my news hard understandably as he also lived through this 9 years ago with me and has also realised that all the small stuff doesn’t matter anymore, most of it anyway. Potentially this wake up call that will keep us in a much more reasonable and amicable direction, it is possible to treat each other more positively and get on with the lives we chose. I’m not nieve though it’s a fine line and it wouldn’t take much to tip the balance the wrong way but time will tell if we can get it right. For now I appreciate one less stress in life.

One unexpected development in my life this year has been to meet a man who exceeds my expectations every time I see him and has shown me a level of care and affection that I had long forgotten existed. I love having a new journey to enjoy, despite all the other stuff going on we still find ourselves giggling and feeling loved which I am very thankful for.

However one not so successful part of the school holidays is my waistline!! Out for lunch, dinner, fish and chips at the seaside, picnic food, bbq’s, ice cream over the park. My daughters holiday diet of nuggets and chips has come to an end, no excuses now, Time to fill the fridge with fruit. Did someone mention a takeaway? Oh and meeting mums for lunch on Thursday, Oh dear doesn’t look like much chance of a healthy lifestyle this week either, when school starts back then but it’s my daughters birthday weekend… Oh crap my halo is well and truly slipping……

Where did I put my bike…. And that apple!

Enjoy the holidays

A xxx

Help! I'm a stay-at-home mum

Be inspired, fulfilled and hold your heads high, stay-at-home mums!

ovaryandout

Great highs, the depths of the lows and why at age 7 do I still have to remind my daughter to say please!

Great highs, the depths of the lows and why at age 7 do I still have to remind my daughter to say please!

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