imageForget the boring rubbish today I’m not interested I’m going to spoil myself and be greedy, selfish… The toys have left the pram no one is gonna stop me….

I am gonna buy those shoes that I saw yesterday that I can’t justify I am not going to clean the fish tank, I am sitting on my sofa this afternoon with ‘Outlander’ now that I have finally caught up with the rest of the world and discovered Amazon prime on the smart TV.

This morning I am starting with indulging in all my less than attractive qualities and yes that would be best described as grumpy with sadness thrown in for good measure. I spoke to my oncologist last night and the results are in it is confirmed that my cancer has returned after 9 years, I am less than amused! Best throw in angry and pissed off too.

a biopsy will confirm which treatments they want to give me but looks like this will be long term hobby, time to play the dutiful part-time patient again. It’s been a long time since I was here and surprisingly I feel stronger this time my life is in a good place, there are now many positive distractions showing me this will not takeover and consume my life this time.

Get through today and then that’s enough sulking nobody likes a winger back to life and I will be doing all those treats and trips and dinners and excuses for fun that normally you can not justify or even just having an excuse to down tools. I think it would be a good start to actually get out of bed first though once this post is done…

My emotions are spent I do not comprehend which way they are going today my brain hurts, who knows how the people around me even start to understand this roller coaster. One medicine I am sure of is the power of love and touch. Knowing you are cared about makes all the difference, the hugs, flowers, the cake, the best wishes all put a big smile back on my face and I feel indulged and spoilt thanks.

I have one final emotion to deal with one of the most important women in my world… My mum who lost her battle and died over 17 years ago of secondary bone cancer she was my world and my rock. Words do not describe how much I miss you, even more so today.

Enough now back to the real world I have shoes to buy and really need to feed the cat!!! nails book for 11… Spoil me it is then. You can’t keep a good girl down for long…

Love always

Angela

xx

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