I’ve been struggling to write my blog this last month, how to pitch it, what to share, what I say? Until I saw a recent blog titled ‘write like no one’s watching’ when I realised this blog is my thoughts and feelings whatever they are, not always funny or thoughtful sometimes grumpy and just the way they are. Don’t be too selective or worry about what image I portray just tell it how it is, chat as though I am talking to a friend.

There comes a point in life when you have to stop reading other people’s books and write your own” Albert Einstein
The last month I have been surviving at home without a boiler in a kind of camping stay cation, with our blankets, hot water bottles and lots of heaters. Laying on the rug in front of the log burner with blankets watching the flames with Mr H and the girls wrapped up on the sofa watching films and even the cat finding her hot spot too,has been an opportunity to spend cosy times together and warm each other. We have at one point even toasted marshmallow’s on it. There has been some competition over who starts the best fire, turn’s out it’s quite the natural instinct to want to create fire.

The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses” Edith Sodergran

When the first engineer came out, I answered the door to be greeted by a jolly , ‘it’s chilly out here today!’ I knew then my sense of humour was not going to last long as I stood their in 4 layers of clothes. Thanks to the lovely girl at Npower who spoke to her manager for me a grant helped us to quickly defrost with a brand new boiler. It’s amazing how cold your walls can get with no heating for 6 weeks and how long it takes to get them warm again (about 4 days for future reference).

Watching my daughter’s school play about World War II It does make you realise our generation are so lucky in this country not to be living during Wartime, I can’t even remember the last time there was a power cut. It puts my comments about my boiler into some perspective, not to mention having to evacuate my daughter on a two day school trip. I cannot imagine how parents did it back then for even longer? I wouldn’t fancy living on rations either but I have just had a hospital lunch and I don’t think there’s was much difference.

My cancer was feeling left out it had become more settled even improved a little, it was no longer the centre of my attention. I lay here writing this in Queen’s hospital my neck has hurt a lot the last two days and my oncologist doesn’t like it she has brought me in overnight for an urgent scan to check it. My daughter came in to see me with the little best mum teddy I love along with my partner and his daughter they all packed me an overnight bag with a cheeky flake in their too! Love and Chocolate fixes everything. Sleeping here would of been ok except for the noises through the night from the other three beds which can only compare to the noises in “The Walking Dead” I know I’m being mean, they are are elderly but no sleep makes you really grumpy. I’ve had a lovely chat with Bertha next to me this morning from Wales who turns out also has cancer and is clearly worse off than me so now I feel guilty thinking that.

Some results are back no immediate emergencies and I can go home, just something else causing trouble this month. Cancer is not a fun process it brings out all different emotions in people and lots of questions there are not always answers to.

This angel has lost some of her sparkle this month for sure but it’s the beginning of April and the sun is shining again. Spring has always been my favourite season with the new tulips and daffodils, the clocks have gone forward, the evenings are getting lighter and leaves are starting to grow on the trees, positive is coming back. Even more positive I turn 40 at the end of the month, it’s a chance to regain some fun and i have much celebrating to do. Unlike many others who dread turning 40 and look back at a past decade I cannot wait to reach a new one. It’s will be 10 years ago I started my cancer journey, another big milestone to be thankful for.

I decided last year to mark this by embarking on 40 random acts of kindness of all different sizes to complete by the time I am 40. A chance to give back and brighten someone’s day. Only I am running out of time now it Looks like I’m gonna be very caring in the next few weeks… I still have 18 to go!

But I make no promises my time keeping has never been the best. 😜

Love Always

Angela xx