Archives for posts with tag: understanding

traffic_light_tree

Traffic Light Tree is a public sculpture in London, England, created by the French sculptor Pierre Vivant. The Sculpture imitates the natural landscape of the adjacent London Plane Trees, while the changing pattern of the lights reveals and reflects the never ending rhythm of the surrounding domestic, financial and commercial activities.

This year has been a roller coaster of emotions to say the least, for both myself and my daughter, its been a steep learning curving finding out how we feel, seeing how we should feel and deciding how we want to feel. We’ve cried, laughed and loved more than we have ever done, this has brought us closer but also created more tense times. Surrounding influences have made our relationship more complicated now but also stronger, we both get things wrong and learn as we go along.

There is a lot going on in our life these days, what affect will this have, I don’t know yet? Our life is not what we expected, but I have no doubt that these changing patterns are the right ones and we are going in a more positive direction. She is definitely developing a strength of character beyond her years but is still only ten and has many emotions she does not understand, not to mention the tidal wave of hormones that have conveniently decided to turn up around the same time. She now has a much sharper sense of wit, improved sarcasm, stronger attitude and greater awareness of life around her, she now expresses her love and emotions much more clearly if not always in my favour!! My girl is growing up and like probably all mums out there I was totally unprepared, these things seem to turn up when you take your eye off the ball for a moment.

The funny thing is as my daughter struggles with her emotions I’ve realised how little I have dealt with my own over the past few years, its too easy to get on with everyday life, and put your thoughts to the back of your mind. Some strong emotions have been in our house in the past, not all great ones. Throughout this process my character has also regained its confidence and clarity, I am very proud to say with the added title of embarrassing mother! Not to mention annoying one too, followed by much amusement on my part, especially when she gives me ‘the look’ I am happy knowing I am doing my job properly…

This all being said… to my daughter you still have to make your bed in the morning, go to bed on time, pick up your dirty clothes off the floor etc, you won’t like it but one day you will thank me! (forgive the turning into my mother quote).

In the last year old relationships have finished, new ones have started and existing one have strengthened, not a straightforward process to navigate, it feels like my life has had a good spring clean this year but this has been followed by a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I love those close to me with all my heart and am happy to show it as I know I am loved in return and confident that those few tense times are because we all care and they are a learning process about each other. You have shown me this develops a stronger relationship and deeper understanding of each other, just love me like you do…

Like the lights in the above installation our life’s are a constant changing pattern reflecting the never ending rhythm of our surrounding influences. I’m ready….

 

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Last year’s Mother’s Day did not end well, or start well come to think of it. A day of receiving love and attention, a relaxed happy time for you to feel appreciated in the thoughts of others it was not. Yes my daughter made me a lovely card and I did have flowers which were nice and looking back I did get the basics and the boxes were ticked but more importantly the atmosphere was not there. My daughter of course made me feel loved and special but my husband did not and I apparently was ungrateful and unreasonable to believe this was how it was supposed to happen.

It was on this day a year ago that I realised I was with a man who is either not capable of showing care and attention towards me or no longer wanted to. It wasn’t up for discussion then and still wasn’t when he left.

It is now a lot easier to look at a situation from the outside and see how wrong it was rather than living in the middle of it and not understanding why you can’t fix it. It is true that it takes two to make a marriage and takes two to f**k it up and therefore takes two to fix it. If you can’t both discuss what went wrong or don’t want to its time to move on, everyone has the right to be happy.

In dramatic contrast Mother’s Day this year started with breakfast on a tray as I woke up, flowers, a personalised card and homemade present. A girlie relaxed lunch out followed by a mini bake off making cookies, a film and a lot of laughter watching silly cat videos. The day has flown by I feel loved and very lucky to have a beautiful caring daughter. It seems it was not such an unreasonable expectation after all and actually an incredibly easy thing to pull off if your heart’s in the right place.

Always keep your eyes and heart focused on those who are important to you and those who you are important to. Xx

Help! I'm a stay-at-home mum

Be inspired, fulfilled and hold your heads high, stay-at-home mums!

ovaryandout

Great highs, the depths of the lows and why at age 7 do I still have to remind my daughter to say please!

Great highs, the depths of the lows and why at age 7 do I still have to remind my daughter to say please!

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